The Eye

BLINKS: Channel Flipping

As we at The Eye consider what it means to enter a new decade of magazine writing, we can’t help but think of all the other entities that didn’t have the privilege of going through this rite of passage—our favorite TV shows among them. While you won’t get to feast your eyes on season 30 of Freaks and Geeks anytime soon, The Eye has had a feast imagining it. Join us in reading (watching?) our descriptions of landmark episodes of our favorite shows—but only the shows that didn’t make it as far as we wanted them to get.

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Planet Earth—Johanna Lee

Season 10 of Planet Earth brings you one last, intimate look at the place we have called home for hundreds of thousands of years. Season 10 reveals the Earth as you’ve never seen it before, documenting the magnificent ecological shifts in the post-Ebell era.

Twenty-three cameramen gave their lives to bring you this wide-reaching documentary: We honor their tribute, and while the bodies of those who drowned in toxic waste will never be recovered, we are proud that their accomplishments will live on through Planet Earth.

Eight years in the making, Planet Earth is brought to you as an immersive holographic experience—fully compatible with iSee portable glasses, so you can enjoy the program on your Mars Relocation Shuttle.

Season 10’s nine episodes span the globe, and include “Into the Deep,” an Xray plunge into the sludge wells of Europe; “The Migration,” a glimpse into the journey of the tumbleweed across the Indonesian desert; and “Blue(er) Planet,” which probes the depths of the Colorado Sea.

Accompanied by the narration of Jaden Smith, Planet Earth’s 10th season is sure to leave you breathless (if the depletion of oxygen doesn’t get to you first!)

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HBO’s Girls—Ana Espinoza

In season 10 of Girls, Marnie, Shoshanna, Jessa, and Hannah are thirtysomethings still trying to make sense of the highs and lows of life in New York City, much to the dismay of their family and friends, who think they should probably stop going to warehouse parties in Bushwick and saying the acronym “YOLO” out loud, even ironically.  

Marnie is divorced, which makes sense because she married a bad folk musician after only three months of dating. She takes up yoga at a studio she read about on Gwyneth Paltrow’s website, and declares that she’s a “new person” who is very “in touch with the world around her.” Every so often she makes a Facebook post about how she’s #StillWithHer.

Shoshanna is surprised to find that majoring in Media, Culture, and Communications at NYU (and never really doing homework, apparently) has yet to earn her a fulfilling job.

Wikipedia describes Jessa as “a global citizen of British origin”—in other words, a white British woman who wears hoop earrings and caftan dresses. Likewise, Jessa decides to protest the Trump presidency, now in its fifth year, with a feminist performance art piece. Not two days after her decision to quit life as a European vagabond and pursue a career in performance art, Jessa sprinkles patchouli oil on her vagina in a packed Chelsea gallery space, to widespread acclaim.

Hannah’s writing career has yet to pan out, so there are a lot of monologues about how her life has only gone downhill since she graduated from Oberlin, and how she’s not sure how to “become who she is." She and Adam are “on a break," but they still have weird sex in his apartment all the time. She has yet to date or even have a meaningful on-screen conversation with a person of color, except that one black Republican in season two.

But honestly they’re all doing fine, considering that their parents still “help out” with their rent (i.e. cover their rent in its entirety).

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MythBusters—Kara Schechtman

On MythBusters, we've gone where nobody has ever gone before. We’ve found the needle in the haystack. We’ve broken out of Alcatraz. We’ve cut the cable to an elevator car. But now, in season 20, we're going to new depths and busting the myths that nobody’s dared to bust before.

Did Orpheus look back? To find out, watch as Adam and Jamie set up poisonous vipers to kill their wives, whose names they will legally change to Eurydice. You’ll be on the edge of your seats as the dynamic duo plunges into the depths of the underworld to convince monsters to release their beloved spouses with the sweet, sweet frequencies of their lyres.

As Adam and Jamie embark on their quest, watch Kari demonstrate the increased power of gravitational forces underground because of the non-uniform density of the earth, as she tries to roll a ball up a hill. Get ready to see Tory, chained to a rock as his liver gets picked by an eagle, explain tension forces and the food chain to viewers. Grant can’t wait to tell you about photosynthesis as he reaches for fruit on the branches of a tree that bends upwards toward the light, always out of his grasp.

What velocity will Adam and Jamie need to achieve to break through the core of the earth into the eternal depths? How quickly will their heads accelerate as they turn to look at their wives for one short moment, despite their agreement with Hades not to do so? What will be the pH value of the tears of the Furies? Get ready for these scientific thrills, and more, on this week's premiere of MythBusters: season 20.

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My So-Called Life—Malina Gulino

If the world was a just and beautiful place, she would have given us the 10 seasons of My So-Called Life that we rightly deserved. Unfortunately, the universe—and more importantly, Nielsen ratings—does not work that way, and ABC cancelled My So-Called Life in 1995 after just one short season, so now I must speculate.

My So-Called Life is brilliant not because it is especially good, but rather because it is cool. At its core, the kind of bildungs at stake for Claire Danes’ Angela and her friends is not at all unique; in fact, My So-Called Life heavily relies on the ubiquity of readily available angsty teen narratives to market itself to disaffected youth. What separates My So-Called Life, however, is how fully realized its aesthetics are. Angela and Jordan Catalano endure even today as the quintessential poster kids for grunge, complete with bad haircuts, plastic chokers, and plenty of flannel—a kind of uniform for alternative teens the show helped give birth to, and our culture's continued infatuation with the ’90s refuses to let die. In other words, the continued appeal of watching episodes of My So-Called Life isn’t the plot, though showrunner Winnie Holzman managed to capture the turmoil of adolescence with a sensitivity and sophistication few others have achieved since. The appeal is the look.

My So-Called Life is so deeply tied to a moment in fashion that the show cannot exist without it (and in fact, did not exist outside of it). A 10th season of My So-Called Life would have to look just like the first. Angela and Jordan would have to go, of course—you can’t play a high schooler forever—but the episodes would center on the lives of different students at Liberty High School in the early ’90s. At some point, certainly, the show would have had to cross over to period drama, but that's hardly of concern, because the ’90s had never managed to actually leave us. Just look at all the “Fuck Giuliani” signs in Times Square.

Have fun leafing through our eighth issue, and subscribe to our new weekly newsletter, As We See It!

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