It’s midterm season. You’re stressed. Your RA is stressed. You’ve been #sexiled for the last four nights. You probably even have some weird strain of pneumonia.
We all know that life at Columbia can be challenging, but it is usually extra challenging for those responsible for our ~well-being~ (aka, the RAs). What with the recent dorm fires, flu season, midterms, and the uninvited vermin guests in our dorms, they have a lot on their plates.
All too often, us residents are the main complicators of our RAs’ lives. How many of these Res Life sins are you guilty of?
Here's the deal, we take RA-rezzie relations very seriously. "Why?" you may ask. "Why not?" we may reply. But in any case, we're so devoted to R-R Rs that we have a multi-step procedure for you to follow in order to pinpoint the level of loathing your RA feels for you.
- Part 1: Take the quiz to first get a feel of how you are as a human being on your floor.
- Part 2: Read the below classic instances that cause RAs pain to calculate the precise amount of side-eye thrown your way so far this semester.
- Part 3: Repent.
1. When you get them involved in any of your bodily fluids
Just about the worst way for your RA to get to know you. After nine hours in lab, the last thing your RA wants to deal with is your vomit. If it’s clear that there is some kind of bodily fluid-related emergency, expect your RA to act like they’re not home when you go banging on their door. If you’ve ever gotten your RA involved with your bodily fluids, you are most definitely at the top of their kill list.
2. When you have a Taylor Swift
cryalong singalong during ~quiet hours~.
Perhaps you’re training for Bacchanal. Maybe your cuffing season bae just called it quits over Instagram direct message. Maybe you and your First-Year Writing professor have some ~bad blood~. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
Whatever your reason, you’re suddenly belting out Blank Space at 2 a.m. When your jam sesh inevitably turns into a crying mess, you’ve reached three full side-eyes worth of RA enmity.
3. When weird smells start to permeate the air
Another of the RAs’ most despised residents is the guy who doesn’t dispose of his takeout containers until their pleasant aroma permanently permeates the air. (It’s destined to last for weeks to come.) Being able to breathe in one’s dorm is a basic human right. If you insist on sharing your scents with the entire floor, you can bet that your RA hates you.
4. When you constantly lock yourself out of your room
We’re all human. Forgetting your key or having your roommate accidentally lock you out is forgivable. Going to your RA about this every time, however, is not.
5. When you enjoy some raucous ~sexytimes~ at all hours of the night
You’ve finally found that fall cuffing bae, and at 2 a.m. you’re about to make some bad decisions with a hot hookup. Either way, your RA (or anyone else, for that matter) does not want to hear your various sexcapades. Remember how thin the walls are (and how loud you are). You can count on your RA lying in bed thinking about their 8:40 and all the things they despise about being an RA.
6. When you steal all the condoms/tea/free things from the basket outside their door
The herbal tea wasn’t made for an evening of relaxation, not for a hearty batch of Chamomile Tequila Sour. You can count on your RA never stocking freebies again.
Mariella Evangelista is a first-year and a trainee Spectrum staff writer. She appreciates her RA’s patience during the 3 a.m. cockroach emergencies and the midnight Taylor Swift emergencies (equally as important). Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.