Failed your midterm? NBD, these MoHi restaurants got bad (health) grades, too

Though midterms season never seems to truly end, professors have begun returning your first wave of grades… and things certainly could have turned out better.

But test scores aren’t reflective of one’s character. After all, it’s usually the human turds who spend the entire lecture shopping for their Halloween costume who swoop through midterms unscathed. To conceptualize this idea, we looked to various eateries around MoHi: Why is it that our favorite restaurants got terrible health grades, while the frivolous, second-rate eats passed?
Food we love → terrible grades M2M: C M2M.png Mikey Zhong for Spectator FYI:  It was awhile ago when Mikey snapped this, so while the CLOSED notice doesn’t apply now, it’s still worrying that M2M is no stranger to bad grades (kinda like yourself.)

Sure, the interior of M2M isn’t the most pristine thing you’ve ever looked upon, and the sushi does have a tendency to be (on occasion) expired. While the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene (DOHMH) said M2M isn’t completely vermin proof,” the offerings behind the counter continue to tickle our taste buds, so I’m willing to overlook the fine details. In midterms lingo, they got the wrong answer but showed their work, so partial credit.

Amir’s: B AMIR'S.png @maddietwiener / via Instagram

Honestly, some of the best (maybe because it serves some of the only) Middle Eastern food in the area, and the baklava is delicious. However, the DOHMH has said that there is “evidence of rats” and “roaches” in “food and/or non-food areas,” so I have to wonder how they got just a B rating. In midterms lingo, they left the test feeling as if they completely bombed it, only to score above the class average.

Serafina: B Serafina.png @ilovetheupperwestside / via Instagram
Decent Italian food and a collection of aesthetic food pics in their Instagram geotag, and yet the DOHMH has condemned this Amsterdam-dwelling restaurant for “filth flies” in “food and/or non-food areas.” Compared to M2M and Amir’s, this seems like such a minor violation. In midterms lingo, they’re the student whose pedantic TA docked them in points for using personal pronouns in their take-home essay.
Food we hate → good grades Tom’s Restaurant: A Tom's.png @geoffreynt / via Instagram
There’s literally only one thing people like about Tom’s: the milkshakes. And there’s literally only one thing people like about the guy in discussion who keeps raising his hand: the fact that you won’t have to talk. In midterms lingo, Tom’s is the guy who keeps offering his (unwanted) opinion, but somehow he skates through the first test unscratched. You really hate that guy.
Vine: A Vine.png @freedomvisuals / via Instagram
People seem to tolerate Vine because of its reasonably priced Columbia lunch box, but you know better. The tempura’s soggy, the sushi lukewarm; the overall experience leaves much to be desired. Vine’s the guy in seminar who clearly hasn’t done the readings, but still offers long-winded speeches. Worst part is that your professor eats it up.
Koronet: A Koronet.png @ilovetheupperwestside / via Instagram

I mean, if legend has it that Columbia students only go to Koronet when drunk, that has to say something about the place. Also, the DOHMH has found evidence of “mice or live mice” in “food and/or non-food areas.” How are Koronet mice any better than Amir’s rats??? Koronet is the guy who basically says the same thing as you, just in different words. The professor is none the wiser.

To check out the health ratings of your favorite restaurants and all their violations, you can find all that good info here.

Disagree with our or the Department of Health’s ratings? Seen something furry scurry throughout Koronet during your booze-induced walk of shame? Tell us about it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Snapchat @CUSpectrum.

Veronica Grace Taleon is Spectrum’s deputy editor and a Barnard sophomore. This is the first and last time she has tried to create double entendres with restaurants. Reach her at



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